Asperger: what it means to me

Asperger.

Over the years there has been much talk about what autism is and what this entails while less known is its cousin Asperger, or rather, Asperger’s Syndrome. They are so close that Asperger is often referred to as high-functioning Autism. However, there are no significant delays in language or cognitive delays in the latter, but this can happen in Autism. This is the definition that we could say scientific, then as anyone who has to deal with people who suffer from these problems knows that the practice is quite another thing in fact, not all the subjects correspond to this definition. Not being a doctor or a specialist but simply a person who has Asperger won’t talk about it scientifically but from my point of view, I’ll tell you what it means and has meant in the past to deal with it. So, let’s start the dances.

I’ve always been a particular child, not to say strange, since childhood. Isolated in my little world, I wasn’t particularly keen on playing with other children. Even when an adult tried to involve me, I still remained fairly reluctant. I preferred to play alone and my mother reminds me occasionally how even the kindergarten and elementary teachers noticed that I tended to sit on the sidelines. It was difficult for me to interact with my peers. I couldn’t understand their rules and didn’t know how to play with them. I much preferred making puzzles, my great passion when I was little, and taking off the pieces of the dolls. Sometimes I played with other children but with great effort. Things didn’t change when we talked about relatives, I was reluctant even towards them and repeatedly I was pointed out as too shy. In fact, when we were all together between uncles, cousins ​​and family in general, I was all the time attached to my mother and only spoke when someone asked myself questions. I felt like a stranger and I was wondering what others understood that escaped me. I saw them interacting without apparent problems and wondered how it could be done, how easy it was for them to interact with each other. I didn’t know at the time to have Asperger, the only thing I was aware of was that I was different and that there was something that I couldn’t understand while everyone else did. My mother, on her own account, believed it could be more than just shyness, but she always felt reassured that it was simply my adoption past, and so she finally believes it too.

Moving on to several years later, precisely my adolescence, we can see that nothing has changed substantially. I could make some friends in high school but only one will prove to be lasting. My relationship problems continued and I continued to be the shy one, the one that didn’t speak, the silent one. I finished school and started university with its problems. In fact, the problem of communicating with other people arose again. Although I was being spurred on by my mother, it was almost impossible for me to be able to talk to my classmates. What to say? What to do? How to approach them? What if they refuse me? What if they consider me stupid? And many others if and but that blocked me where I was. Then, shortly after, my two best friends arrived, first one and then the other, and with them I discovered that it’s much easier for me to interact with someone live if first I chatted with them from behind a screen and then through messages. This technique then helped me to find other people.

So we arrive at a year and a half ago when, tired of not feeling part of the world where I live, I decided that it was time to understand what the problem was if there ever was one. After several sessions, tests, exercises and anything else at the beginning of last summer, the diagnosis arrived and I finally understood what the problem is. Now I won’t tell you that since it was revealed to me, my problems have been solved, in fact, they’re always there and I work day after day but I see improvements. This gives me hope that it can be better than it already is compared to before.

So that’s all, or at least it’s a summary of what it was like for me to grow up as undiagnosed Asperger, maybe it was discovered before I would have suffered less, or I would have suffered for other things. This we can’t know, the only thing that is known is that I finally have a diagnosis and from this point we can only improve. Next time I will talk about another problem that has affected me in past years!

Comments

  1. POOVANESH PATHER

    Thank you for sharing this post. I knew about autism and heard about Aspergers but had no real idea about what it was all about. I find posts like this informative and grows tolerance and understanding for others.

    1. Post
      Author
      agirlandherasperger

      That’s my purpose, to let people know more about these subjects and how they’re perceived by someone that has them.

    1. Post
      Author
      agirlandherasperger

      Everything is possible, maybe you should search for help to understand if it’s this the case.

    1. Post
      Author
      agirlandherasperger

      Thanks to you for passing by, I’m always here to answer every question to let you understand more.

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